Tuesday 12 March 2013

Pastor Kiganda’s fiancé is still a virgin




First Read:

Pastor David Kiganda finds new rib from Zimbabwe after divorce


Benny Hinn and wife remarry





Pastor Kiganda’s fiancé is still a virgin


Publish Date: Mar 12, 2013


Cindy Karonga, is the lady set to marry pastor David Kiganda. She talked to Samuel Lutwama about her love life


Tell us about yourself
I am Cindy Karonga from Harere, Zimbabwe. I prefer to keep to myself. If there is need to talk about something, I do so because I hate holding grudges. I was taught by my late mother that holding grudges robs one of their joy. I draw a lot of inspiration from reading the Bible. I am passionate about winning souls. I went to Oriel Girls High School in Harare from S.1 to S.6 and pursued a degree in hotel management at the University of Zimbabwe.

How did your family shape you?
I was born and raised in the loving hands of Mr. and Mrs. Annah Karonga, in a family of one brother and four sisters. I am the fourth daughter. My mother was a staunch Catholic; she wanted me to be a nun, but I declined. I went to church just because she insisted that I go with my siblings. While growing up, my mother was the person I idolised. She taught me the virtues of being a true African woman; hard work and sexual purity for my husband. And for that reason, I have kept my purity for my husband to be and waiting to break my virginity on our wedding day.


How are you exercising no sex before marriage?
We both agreed that I would not live with him, until we were joined in holy matrimony. I live with the family of Samuel Mukasa of Biyinzika Enterprises. Perhaps, that is one of the ways we are holding on until our wedding day.


You are getting married to a man whose previous marriage failed, and has five children. How prepared are you for the challenge?
The good thing about him is that he told me about his previous marriage and when we met, he started updating me about the divorce. So, I know I am not marrying a saint, but someone from a broken marriage. I intend to bring back the sparkle of love in his heart by doing what the Bible requires me to do as a wife. I will love his children like never before. Fortunately, we started on a good note with the children.


Tell us about the genesis of the David-Cindy love affair
We met three years ago at a leadership conference in South Africa. After the conference, he introduced himself to me and we became friends. He later left for Uganda, but we continued communicating on facebook and e-mail. It was during one of those correspondences that he expressed his interest in me. I was shocked because I did not see it coming. I prayed about it till our hearts clicked. 


What happened next?
I requested him to visit my parents in Zimbabwe. Fortunately, they approved of him and asked him to pay the bride price, which he did through his sister. In our culture, the ceremony takes place in the absence of the husband to-be. 


Had it ever crossed your mind that you would marry a man from Uganda?
It never crossed my mind. I hardly knew Uganda. When I met him, I got to know more about Uganda. I asked him to give me some time, during which I researched about his family and ministry on the Internet. With time I accepted that perhaps, my destiny was tied in Uganda.


What triggered your love for him?
He is a nice looking man, he loves to serve the Lord and that was the kind of person I was looking for. And for that reason, nationality and cultural background did not matter.


How are you going to add value to his already bruised life?
I intend to shower him with lots of love. In the church, I think my calling will largely centre on ministering to people with broken hearts.


How are you going to do that when you have never gone through similar emotional pain?
I think I was there when I lost my mother in 2007. Her death changed my life in a big dimension. It was then that I left for South Africa. While there, I got saved.


So, when are you tying the knot?
In April and I am looking forward to that day.


What massage to do you have for ladies out there?
Those who are not yet married should maintain their sexual purity. And those who are married should be committed and submissive to their husbands. In case of troubles, prayer to God. has no dust bit for prayer and answers all prayers.



Finally, how do you deal with issue in your life, do you use your head or your heart?
To be honest with you, I take long to respond until I feel convinced with the action to take.  But to a big extent I use my heart for more spiritual logic. Matters of the heart draw from the spiritual logic which directly influences someone’s faith and yet faith does follow head logic. So as a believer, I use my heart then connect it to the spiritual dimension through reading the word and then finally pray about that it.




Ending my marriage is a wakeup call — Pr. Kiganda


Publish Date: Mar 04, 2013


SATURDAY VISION


In October 2006, a domestic row erupted in the home of David Kiganda, the senior pastor of Christianity Focus Centre in Mengo, Kisenyi, when his wife, Hadijja Nasejje, allegedly cheated on him with a man selling chapattis.


The couple has since separated and for about seven years, Kiganda has been taking care of their five children as a single parent.


Last week, he told his flock that he had finally found a partner and would remarry on April 27. Samuel Lutwama and Vicky Wandawa asked him about his life over the past seven years and the upcoming wedding.


The Bible teaches reconciliation and forgiveness. Why are you marrying someone else?
Mathew 19:9 reads:“And I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery, unless his wife has been unfaithful.” That was Jesus speaking.


The Bible also draws a clear line between forgiveness and reconciliation. For instance, when Adam and Eve fell short of God’s glory, He forgave them, but cast them out of paradise and as result, they had to pay for the consequences of their sins.


Similarly, forgiving my ex-wife’s over indulgence in adultery is right, but that does not mean I should stay with her. Reconciliation is a different matter. Although I forgave her, she is suffering the consequences by losing me.


King David’s adulterous scandal with Uriah’s wife is a case in point. The Bible tells us that although God forgave David, he paid for the consequence of his sins by losing the child.


Renowned TV evangelist Benny Hinn will soon renew his marriage vows with his wife, Suzanne Hinn. Their marriage has been on the rocks, but they chose to exercise the virtue of forgiveness and reconciliation. How different is your case from the Hinns?


If Benny Hinn had not forgiven his wife, perhaps his destiny would be hell, reason being that his wife was not caught in adultery, like mine. God discourages divorce, but when it comes to adultery, He gave a green light.


Why the green light for adultery?
I think God knew the dangers of unfaithfulness, such as infection of sexually transmitted diseases like HIV, having children whose paternity is not certain and, of course, spiritual downfall. 


Adultery causes psychological torture, which strains the marriage. For instance, if one partner has an extra-marital affair, the other can pretend, but the real strain will be evident when they engage in sex.


That is when complaints of poor sexual performance will arise, because the other party is psychologically tortured.


Do you speak from personal experience? 
The success of sexual intercourse largely depends on one’s psychological state. That is why no one first reads scripture before intercourse.



Once someone’s mind is tortured because of infidelity, this will be reflected in their sexual performance. Unfortunately, the other partner may use that (poor sexual performance), as a weapon in case the relationship fails.


That is why phrases like “he is a poor performer in bed” are common among couples going through emotional strain. Some people, out of anger for being cheated on, resort to lethal means. Perhaps that is why there are so many cases of murder among couples today.


I look at a man who entices a married woman into a sexual act as a strong competitor, who will prove his sexual prowess to an already emotionally strained husband.

So, while we have the marital vows of “till death do us apart”, God also had in mind the problems that come with infidelity. That is why He gave us the allowance of dissolving an adulterous marriage. But if someone can tolerate an adulterous spouse, that is a personal right, which is also acceptable by God.


So, do you think those who forgive and reconcile with their adulterous spouses are emotionally strong?
That has nothing to do with emotional strength, but one’s personal traits. Perhaps the English adage puts it well; “one man’s meat is another man’s poison.” If someone can tolerate an adulterous spouse, it does not make him stronger than the one who fails.


When I was in school many years ago, we formed a small group where we shared eats. But there was a boy called Richard, who would spit on his eats, before he would invite us to eat. Many of us would turn down his offer, but another boy called Semukutu would take up the offer.


In the same way, there are some people who would readily go to bed with their adulterous spouses after exercising the mercies of forgiveness.


But some people think that pastors should lead an exemplary life of forgiveness…
There is a provision in the Bible that allows forgiveness, but it is not fair to crucify someone who has failed to walk the walk of forgiveness, using the Bible as a cover up. I strongly believe that the early revivalists confused the whole idea of forgiveness. To me, forgiving does not mean we should continue living together as husband and wife.


Don’t you think your action of remarrying is going to fuel divorce and separation among believers?
I think dissolving my marriage to an adulterous wife will be a wake-up call to all women engaging in extra-marital affairs. They will know that if they commit adultery, their husbands will divorce them.


Letting corrupt people off the hook is one of the factors fuelling corruption in Uganda. If all those implicated in corruption scandals are put behind bars, the vice will reduce.


Like it was in the days of King Xerxes in the book of Esther 1:16-18, elders in the kingdom stood up against the disgraceful action of his queen. With their influence, she was stripped of her royal robes. In the same way, my action is intended to eradicate adultery among church leaders.


If my marriage has become a sacrificial lamb so that the vice can be curbed, let it be. But I would urge the body of Christ to support me in this operation of weeding adultery out of the church. Whoever is against my wedding must be siding with those promoting adultery among church leaders.


Tell us about Mrs Kiganda-to-be
Well, She is not a Ugandan, but she knows everything about my previous marriage and how it was dissolved.


I was advised by some elders in the body of Christ to get a foreigner so that people would not think that I had cheated on my wife. Most importantly, by the virtue of our calling as pastors, we father all members of our churches. So, picking someone from your flock is tantamount to committing spiritual incest.


In short, the church and the State have no case to stop your wedding?
I went through the normal procedure of dissolving the marriage. The High Court cleared me. Perhaps the only issue that can stop a person are the spiritual laws which are so clear on the subject of adultery. Public opinion is not an issue.


There are pioneers in all aspects of life. I believe this is the beginning of an operation to kick adultery out of marriage.


How did your children take the issue of your remarriage? 
They have been very positive about it and it was such an emotional moment when they met their mother-to-be. We had a special dinner as a family and they even gave her a bouquet of flowers as a sign of love. I was moved when they asked her to allow them to be part of our bridal entourage.


How have you been able to parent them in the absence of their mother?
I have had a good record before my children. None of them has seen me engaging in inappropriate relationships over the last seven years. So, when I tabled this issue before them, they all supported me. As a single parent, I tried to take care of them as best as I could. I waited for seven years to get a new partner because I wanted them to grow up.


How will you protect your wife-to-be from the previous scandal?
There is nothing she does not know about me. In fact, before accepting my proposal, she researched about me and found out that I was a respectable person. But most importantly, she found out that I was never implicated in any sexual scandal.


What are some of her special attributes?
We have dated for over a year. I met her while on a spiritual mission in her country. She is a God loving and spirit-filled person. She accepted to marry me and love my children as her own. I strongly believe my church will fall in love with her.


So, your church is fully behind your wedding?
Some time back, some members of our church convened a special meeting intended to force me to remarry. They even threatened to chase me out of the church if I did not heed their advice.


Are you not worried about the heart-break you have caused female church members who were eyeing you?
Well, we shall nurse those broken hearts through counselling and prayer. Otherwise, life has to go on.



Experts, pastors’ take on adultery

Counsellors
Joseph Musaalo, a marriage counsellor and lecturer at Uganda Christian University, gives tips on how to avoid adultery in marriage.


Be open with each other so that you are accountable to each other. Neither the husband nor the wife can stop other people from admiring their spouse. Temptation may arise, but it can be overcome with open lines of communication.


Accept each other. All of us are not perfect and have undesirable habits, but married couples are encouraged to stick together, even during hard times. Learning to accept each other is key to a successful marriage.


Spend quality time together. Have outings often and enjoy each other’s company because it helps you bond as a couple.
Do not take each other for granted. Care about your appearance, just like you did when you were still dating.


According to Musaalo, when adultery rears its ugly head in a marriage, couples should try to identify the cause and seek counselling.


He also urges couples to be positive about the future of their marriage.
However, Joy Tumwesigye, a counsellor and accounts officer with Uganda Prisons, says adultery, especially by a woman, makes it hard for a couple to reunite.


“This is because the man will most likely remain suspicious of her, and small incidents are likely to spark off fights,” she adds.


Tumwesigye also says on the contrary, when a man is adulterous, a woman may forgive him for the sake of  their children, culture and influence of the society.